You really, really get to know your partner in a time like this. You realize that in some deep way you haven't actually been living together. It’s not like we didn't fight before, for example, but I think our fights have been extra special. And when I say fighting, I mean like fighting for something that's bigger than just myself or George's self, fighting for a vision that takes us beyond ourselves and into radical collaboration and deeper intimacy.

These are challenging times for a lot of us, and some are having to deal not only with sheltering-in-place and other limitations but have also lost their jobs or feel that they are nowhere near as secure as they once were. It’s important during these times to recognize that whatever challenges you are facing, you have the right to overcome them. You should not accept unhappiness or think somehow you deserve it.

For some people, it feels like you have to choose between being yourself and being part of the group. I know I saw things that way for a long time. The truth is, this is an artificial distinction, one that people make because they do not understand how we truly function. The best way to be yourself, it turns out, is to be a part of the group, and vice-versa.

That is not the way to a fully lived life. In our work at the Wright Foundation, we focus on the value of all expression and learning how to use it to nourish growth instead of pushing it down until it explodes in other ways. There are not enough people who have been given the tools to feel all of our feelings and become stronger for it. I want everyone to get that opportunity.

It is simply being present—being present with another person. Presence includes being conscious of our body, our feelings, our thoughts and our yearnings to connect and belong with others. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy says, "presence is momentary and fleeting." That's ok. We can increase the amount of time we're present.

That becomes an issue in your interviews. Picture your future boss or supervisor reading, “proven track developing programs that positively impact all areas of the organization.” Then saying, “that sounds great, how’d you do that?” Then they watch you fumble over your words trying to come up with something. Immediately, they don’t trust you.

The more I listened, the more I was struck by the impact that this one man, Kobe Bryant, had on him and then the impact that he's had on the city… and then thinking about the influence that we all have on each other. It really hit me—and I had almost missed this. I had almost tried to make it a comfortable conversation. It wasn't comfortable. And trying to make it comfortable would have been disrespectful to the meaning that was happening.

By living his life as a process, he experienced life with an abundance beyond his commonplace upbringing, while massively and positively impacting the world. Below are some points I synthesized with Dr. Judith’s Wright’s Grounded Theory research on what it takes to be an Evolator—a transformational leader that transforms again and again—like Ben, who was dedicated to living life as an agent of change.

This little career detour is turning out to be a valuable mistake. Toni now knows what it takes for her to be an effective leader. In her brief stint in the non-profit world, she needed to risk being rejected from the organization by implementing new policies that would transform it—not to mention making her happier in the process. Thus, she realized her personal satisfaction and not a personal sacrifice, is key to her purpose. Toni got a taste of being an agent of change.

This little career detour is turning out to be a valuable mistake. Toni now knows what it takes for her to be an effective leader. In her brief stint in the non-profit world, she needed to risk being rejected from the organization by implementing new policies that would transform it—not to mention making her happier in the process. Thus, she realized her personal satisfaction and not a personal sacrifice, is key to her purpose. Toni got a taste of being an agent of change.

We often think of “take charge” people as being the people in the spotlight, people who get a lot of attention and are in control of making big decisions. They’re the most powerful, right? While they might affect change, does the change last? Not to mention, was the change even beneficial? Simply acting on something may give the appearance of power but lack permanence or even benefit and, by our society's standards, we could still consider that action to be proof of power.

Emotions are a language everyone understands – and we want to feel understood by others, so talking about how we feel in a business meeting or while spending time with family creates more clarity. This saves time, establishing security and leaving less room for misunderstanding because we’re directly saying what we want from an interaction. In the case of my client, he’s no longer pursuing goals that don’t fulfill him, he using emotional intelligence to live his dream every day, create value for himself and for others in every moment.