Likes and Agreements
You have been learning about personal power and flexing some power muscles. You have brought to light your beliefs about power, and you have explored how you have or have not used power appropriately in the past. You’ve learned some tools of masculine power—asking for things with the intention of getting them and getting people to do things—as well as feminine power—the power of compliments and the power of silence. Remember, masculine/yang power is assertive and projecting, and feminine/yin power is attractive—it draws people to you. Feminine power is more about your way of being than your doing—how you are, not just what you do.
Now you learn additional ways to increase, exhibit, and express your power even more fully. Your assignments this month are designed to help you explore your power and influence by expressing yourself more fully through agreement, disagreement, displeasure, and opinions. All these activities will lead you to experience yourself as a more powerful individual—as you learn to express yourself more fully, be a person of positive influence, impact others, assert your will, be on your own side, stand up for yourself, make a stand for what matters to you, and make a bigger, positive difference in your world.
Discover the Power of
Self-Expression
In this lesson, you deepen your exploration by adding greater meaning and substance to what you say. You discover that your word—when used to express your deeper yearning, what you like, and what you agree with—has its own unique power. Your yearning is a guide to aligning your life with what serves, nourishes, and empowers you. As you learn to express likes and agreements, you can powerfully influence the direction of a conversation, a meeting, an interaction, or even an individual or group toward meeting your deeper yearning.
The Power of ‘Likes’
Your word has power because you are declaring a position and making a commitment. A “like”—something you like or are agreeable to—suggests that you have a desire, a passion. You feel attracted to or take pleasure in something or someone, and your “like” impacts that thing or person. For example, when you tell a friend, spouse, your child, or an employee that you like what they are doing, they are more likely to do it again. Your desire, expressed through your agreement, encourages them to continue their behavior or way of being. On many levels, our likes create momentum in the directions we desire while meeting our yearning.
What Do You Prefer?
Another aspect of your expressing what you like through this assignment is experimenting with and developing more clearly defined preferences. Many of us don’t always know what we like, what we prefer, what excites us, or what pleases us.
When we know what we like, we can go about getting more of it in our lives.
True liking reflects our deepest yearning—what nourishes and fulfills us.
We can increase our pleasure and satisfaction by beginning to design our lives to be filled with more of what we like and take pleasure in. When we start exploring what we like, we begin to realize how much of our time we spend unsatisfied because we haven’t clarified what we really like—whether it is what we want for dinner, what kind of art or music touches us, what kind of activities are satisfying, or even who we like spending time with, or how we spend our time.
Be aware that often the things we think we dislike are things that we are not familiar with, that we really don’t have experience with, or that are unfamiliar or strange to us. We can start experimenting more with life to see how things truly affect us, rather than deciding ahead of time. And, perhaps if we experimented, we might like it!
The Power of Agreeing
Our agreements also hold great power. When we agree, it suggests harmony of opinion, action, or character. We strengthen the position of, or increase the value of, whatever we agree with.
When someone agrees with us, it satisfies our yearning to be seen, heard, and affirmed. In fact, a study by British and Danish neuroscientists has shown that the brain’s pleasure centers light up when someone agrees with us.
Agreement not only promotes a statement or concept but also reflects a position or a stand that you are taking. And as you discovered with the power of silence, agreements do not always need to be spoken. Your silent agreement can be just as powerful, and is sometimes more powerful, than your spoken word. An example of this occurs when you are holding a sentinel space—when your mere presence with someone or at a cause or event, suggests your agreement. On the other hand, a misuse of this type of power occurs when you remain silent in a situation when you really do not agree with the statements being made, the activity occurring, or the situation you are in. Be aware of when you misuse a silent agreement.
We often influence an outcome simply by aligning to it. And outcomes sometimes change by people not aligning to it. There’s a video of the classic Asch experiment, where the subject was shown a card with a line on it and asked which lines on another card matched the length of the first line he was shown. Unbeknownst to him, the other five participants were part of the experiment. For the first few rounds, they all gave the correct answer. But then they gave the wrong answer and the subject changed his opinion, because others didn’t agree with him. The right answer was obvious, yet because there was no agreement, the subject gave the wrong consensus answer 75% of the time. Yet, follow-up studies to this experiment showed that when just one person agreed with the subject, it totally changed the outcome of the study—they stayed with their initial correct response when just one person agreed with them. The outcome was powerfully influenced by someone else’s agreement.
The Power of Yearning and Liking
Ultimately, knowing what you like is knowing what you yearn for. Yearning refers to your deeper longings—the things you like that are good for you and that serve, empower, and nourish you.
Yearning represents our deepest needs—to belong; to be seen, heard, and touched; to matter; to have influence; to be loved; to achieve mastery; to self-actualize; to connect with a higher power. The assignment this week is to help you identify your yearning, learn to associate what you like with what you yearn for, and to express how much you like things, situations, and ways of being that fulfill your yearning.
Neuroscience research reveals two different pleasure centers in the brain—what some neuroscientists call the wanting and the liking centers (or what other scientists call your excitatory and satisfactory centers). Wanting is fueled by the neurotransmitter dopamine, which creates an excited, anticipatory, high feeling. Wanting is like a craving—you crave something, but it doesn’t satisfy you. (Think of Soft Addictions, where no matter how many times you go for more, you don’t end up satisfied: one more chocolate, one more TV episode, one more hour procrastinating…) Liking is fueled by the opioid neurotransmitter, which creates a satisfied, fulfilling sensation. Yearning is associated with liking—the activities, ways of being, situations, and things that are satisfying and meet your deeper needs and longings.
When you correctly access and interpret what you yearn for, you tap into its enormous power. When you connect to your deepest desires, you receive a jolt of motivation—you are driven to achieve goals because these goals matter much more than indulging a craving. Similarly, yearning provides you with a compass. You know what serves you—and what doesn’t.
This week, affirm what you yearn for. Express your liking for those things that truly meet your deeper yearning. Experiment to see what fully satisfies you versus what merely turns you on. Affirm others for meeting your yearning. Notice which of your likes are yearning-based and which aren’t. Update your journal with what you are learning, the yearnings you are discovering, the empowering beliefs you wish to adopt or the empowering behaviors you’d like to integrate into your life.
Tip the scales in favor of your yearning! Affirm everything that leads to the fulfillment of your yearning. Agree with everything that fulfills and sustains your deepest yearning. Create a nourishing, empowering life!
Share What You Like and Agree With
In this week’s assignment, you continue to experiment with your personal power to keep building your foundation. The metaphor holds true that you must slap a tire to keep it rolling. Your slaps on the tire this week are statements like: “I agree,” or, “I like that.” Notice how your power of liking and agreeing influences people. You may even find that you can change someone’s direction. You can say, “I like what you are saying here… and I think we should consider_______.”
This week’s lesson is all about your influence in the world. You look at your ability to affect situations and people through expressing your likes and agreements. You define what you like and prefer so that you can create more pleasure in your life and have more of what you like. You orient to your deeper yearning.
Another aspect of this week’s lesson is noticing your ability to incrementally move things and influence the world around you.
Often, life moves in a series of small nudges or influences. We often have a misconception of what it means to have a big influence in the world.
We often look for one big move rather than noticing the many small influences that can exponentially influence our world over time. This week’s lesson supports you to begin noticing the smaller shifts that transform your day.
Affirm and agree with everything that fulfills your yearning. Create nourishing, empowering moments throughout your day—and create a life of more!
Meet Your Yearning:
Share Your Likes & Agreements
Main Assignment
This week, share what you like and what you agree with. Be aware of your deeper yearnings and express them. Use terms like “I like,” “I agree,” “That’s a great point,” “I couldn’t have said that better,” “Hear, hear,” and “Yes!” to what others are expressing. Let people know your preferences, what you like, and what fulfills your yearning. Learn to express your liking for what is good for you, serves you, and empowers you. Speak up and use the words, “I agree,” to let people know what you agree with and what serves you and others. Watch what happens.
Give high-fives and thumbs up as signs of your agreement.
Smile, nod, beam, and show your liking and agreement on your face and through your gestures. Experience the power of sharing what you like and what you agree with. Share your support and affirmation with others—and notice the results.
Reinforce movement, activities, people, and directions that you like—that meet your yearning—by sharing your agreement. Remember to update your Purposeful Leadership Process to capture your discoveries—are there new yearnings emerging? What mistaken beliefs are being challenged? What emotions are rising or being muted as you express your likes? What empowering beliefs or behaviors are you discovering? Use your journal to keep conscious of your likes and agreements throughout the day.
For a deeper sense of fulfillment, like things that meet your yearnings rather than your cravings. If you know what you like, you can go about getting more of it in your life. Enjoy the journey of discovering how influential your likes and agreements can be!
Very-Able Assignments
Review Your Yearnings
Remember, yearning refers to our deepest longings.
We yearn to love and be loved; to matter; to be seen, heard, and touched; to express ourselves; to learn and grow; to belong and to connect with others; to create; to be part of something bigger than ourselves.
Use the worksheet to list what you yearn for—and list activities, people, and experiences in your life that you like that touch those deeper yearnings.
As you continue, you deepen your skill with assignments to monitor, discern, and express your wants and needs, and your wants and your yearnings in all aspects of your life. You find out how deeply satisfying it is to know what you truly desire and to let others know! And you see the influence you have on others as you are direct and forthcoming in expressing your preferences, agreements, and your yearnings.
Have fun this week exploring what you like, what you agree with, and what you yearn for–and see the impact on yourself and those around you.
Say “I Agree” for a Day!
Choose a day where you acknowledge your agreement to what is being said or to something you believe in. When you are in a meeting—say “yes,” “hear, hear,” or “I agree”—say it loud and powerfully! Choose the words that work for you. Agree as much as you can in one day. Notice what happens as you agree more in the world. Journal on how it feels to agree verbally.
Assess your Day—What Did You Like and Agree with Today?
At the end of the day, assess your day. What did you like about your day and what happened that you agreed with? Think about all your activities, the people you were with, what they said, how they were, what they did, how you were, what you did. Go through each aspect of your day—what pleased you? What did you agree with? How often did you voice your likes or agreement? Use the worksheet to capture your likes and agreements of the day. Resolve to do more of what you liked the next day, to let others know what you like, and to voice more of your agreement the following day.
These Are a Few of My Favorite Things and More
Make a list of likes! Use the worksheet provided or start a piece of paper with the words, “I like…” and let yourself write and write. This can include anything: a hug, your iPhone, your favorite chocolates, the kind of car you covet, a kind word you’d like to hear, a cute boyfriend or girlfriend, world peace… There is nothing too big or too small to put on your list! Mark the ones that meet your deeper yearnings. After you create your list, choose a day and state as many likes as possible throughout the day. Notice what happens as you state your likes. Journal on how this feels.
What I Like About You
Identify four people and finish the sentence “What I like about you is….” to them directly. How is this similar to the power of compliments? How do you feel telling people what you like about them? What happens when you do?
Make Your Wish List—A Wish Registry!
Take the list you made of your favorite things and make it into your wish registry! Use this for your birthday or holidays as a way to share yourself and be celebrated—and get the gifts you really want. But you don’t have to wait for your birthday or the holidays—share your registry with your friends and loved ones. Ask them to make one, too!
Experiment to Discover What You Like and Agree With
Maybe you don’t always know what you like and what you agree with. Or, you haven’t consciously explored whether you really like something or not. Maybe it’s just become a habit, or something you do because someone else you care about does it, or maybe it’s a reflexive response. Take a day and experiment. Try new things, taste new foods, do something different. Be aware of what meets your deeper yearning and what doesn’t. Discover what you like and tell others what you like!
Be more aware of what you really think and agree with. Contemplate and explore different points of view and consider whether you agree with an issue, statement, or stand—or not. Rather than staying in the fog or having a knee jerk reaction to something, think more deeply about it. Do more research on the topic. Interview people you respect and get their thinking on the matter. Carefully consider an issue from some different points of view. Then, when you are clear on your point of view, voice your agreement with that perspective. Share your thinking and say “I like” or “I agree with________.”
Social Media Likes
When you are on social media sites this week, thoughtfully and generously indicate your ‘Likes’ for pages, postings, sites, or people that you truly like, respect, are inspired by, and appreciate. Be thoughtful about affirming yearning-related postings. Affirm friends for go-for-it stances, inspiring feats, quotes, or shares. ‘Like’ the pages of people and companies that are doing good work in the world. Affirm the great things that people are doing by expressing your ‘Likes’!
Celebrate and Share What You Like
We need more people putting out positive thoughts and affirming what matters to them. Do you love your local coffee shop or know of people and businesses doing good work? Sing their praises by sharing a review on yelp or tell a friend. Use the power of your liking to influence your world.
Meaningful Conversations with Liking and Agreeing
You are developing your social intelligence as a power tool. Having meaningful conversations, building your network, and adding value with others are all part of exercising your social intelligence and personal power. Use liking and agreeing as powerful tools to encourage, influence, and affirm.
Use liking and agreeing to deepen conversations with others about what really matters to them and you.
Get to know others more deeply through this power tool—and have them get to know you more fully. Discuss what you yearn for and encourage others to discuss what they yearn for. This is the stuff of powerful, meaningful conversations!
Likes and Agreements
This week, share what you like and what you agree with. Let people know your preferences. Speak up and use the words, “I like” and “I agree.” Let people know what you agree with and watch what happens. Reinforce movement, activities, people, and directions that you like by sharing your agreement. Use the tracking form provided to keep conscious of your likes and agreements throughout the day.
Review Your Yearnings
Use the worksheet to list what you yearn for as well as the activities, people, and experiences in your life that you like that touch your deeper yearnings.
Say “I agree!” for a day
Choose a day where you acknowledge your agreement to what is being said or done or to something in which you believe. When you are in a meeting, say “yes,” “hear hear,” “I agree”—say it loud and powerfully! Choose the words that work for you. Agree as much as you can in one day. Notice what happens as you agree more in the world. Journal on how it feels to agree verbally.
Day by Day Review Form
Fill in the chart below with what you liked about your day and what you agreed with during your day.
These Are a Few of My Favorite Things and More
Make a list of likes. There is nothing too big or too small to put on your list! Mark the ones that meet your deeper yearnings. After you create your list, choose a day and state as many likes as possible throughout the day. Notice what happens as you state your likes. Journal on how this feels.
What I Like About You
Identify four people and finish the sentence “What I like about you is….” to them directly. How is this similar to the power of compliments that you worked on two weeks ago? How do you feel telling people what you like about them? What happens when you do?
My Wish List—My Wish Registry!
Take the list you made of your favorite things and make it into your wish registry! Use this for your birthday or holidays as a way to share yourself and be celebrated—and get the gifts you really want. But you don’t have to wait for your birthday or the holidays—share the registry with your friends and loved ones. Ask them to make one, too!
Experimenting with Likes and Agreements
Using the form below, write what you discovered while experimenting with your likes and agreements. Also write down what new positions and points of view you explored when you were experimenting.
