Play
The theme is to engage more fully in our lives so that we can be more nourished. Remember, nourishment is the key to our growth and development. In fact, the definition of nourishment is that which provides us what we need to live, to grow, and to develop. Think about how children learn, grow, and develop—they play!
Play is one of the most powerful foundations of our continual development, growth, and renewal.
Play is a vital form of nourishment, but not just for children. It is one of the most powerful foundations of our continual development, growth, and renewal. Children naturally play to learn and grow. Through playing, they discover their universe, their capacities, and their limits. They discover physical laws (by dropping, throwing, jumping…) and the possibilities for engaging human interaction. Think about how children play—they are deeply engaged, whether laughing, concentrating, being intense, figuring out, etc. Yet often, as adults, we think of play as just joyous release. While it certainly can be that, it is also much, much more. Play is a foundation for developing capacities—for children and adults!
We are designed to engage and play—not to numb ourselves in front of a TV or computer screen or on our phones, but to engage fully with ourselves, whomever we are with, and whatever we are doing. Neuroscience, educational, psychological, and human development research is proving the phenomenal benefits of play for children and adults. Play is a critical part of physical, intellectual, and social and emotional development at all ages. Play is the base from which all learning grows. In three weeks, we can get ten times more proficient at anything if we are emotionally engaged with focused interest—a good definition of play! Russian psychologist Lev Vygotsky believed that a child’s ability to play creatively was a good indicator of his or her future academic success. Other research has shown that play is also critical in developing self-regulation.
Engaging and playing provides the emotional spark that activates our attention, problem solving, and behavior response system so that we gain skills for cooperation, co-creativity, altruism, and understanding. It is the essence of our creativity and high-level reasoning. When we truly play, our emotions are allowed to surface in a safe way that helps us create a richly motivated and passionate life. Play provides full body/mind integration; neurochemicals are released that bring us a sense of elation and excitement and orchestrate neural net development and alignment.
Students who play in the arts (art, music, theater, creative writing, etc.) score on average 40-60 points higher in the verbal parts of the SATs and 15-40 points higher in math, outperforming students who don’t play on virtually every measure. Plus, play teaches us how to be with each other and to experience a sense of belonging and safety.
As adults, we often miss the immense benefits of true play. Our biggest problem with play for us is our mindset—we think play is the opposite of work. As a result, play becomes an escape from responsibilities. This attitude could not be further from the truth. Really successful people in life—who love everything they do—know that play is a way of being and a way to approach everything they do. Play is aliveness in relationship with yourself, other people, work projects, activities…the world!
Play is a way of engaging fully that causes us to learn and to grow. And when we play, it isn’t always fun, it doesn’t always “turn out,” and it isn’t always easy. In play, we get hurt—and from these hurts, we grow. In play, we have successes—and from these successes, we grow. In play, we are frustrated—and through this frustration, we develop our capacities for bigger and bigger responsibilities.
In my experience, we define play as a here-and-now interaction between ourselves and others that causes us to learn and grow. Play can also take place inside ourselves, or between ourselves and things. We can play as we build a house. We can play as we talk to ourselves. We can play as we do a project at work or engage with our friends or coworkers.
To develop this attitude of play, we must accept failure, frustration, and hurt as well as success. Remember, there are two primary ways that we learn. In one, we succeed and learn to do more of what we did in that success. In another, we fail and learn to adjust course, moving ourselves in the direction of whatever success we seek. With play, we tend to have more successes and more failures. Best of all, we grow from everything we do.
Play requires another value shift. Too often we value being comfortable rather than living fully so that we can reach out and be comforted. Many people’s idea of play is not much more than sitting undisturbed, zoned out on the living room couch, watching a mindless television program. Others yearn for the day they can retire and escape their everyday life. Still others escape into their magical thoughts of shifting careers, winning the lottery, or receiving an unexpected inheritance.
We have, in fact, already inherited the infinite possibilities to be fully alive, boundlessly expanding our capacities, infinitely experiencing life with all its joys and sorrows. We need to simply claim that heritage! Engage and play!
Engage and Play!
Main Assignment
Your assignment this week is to play! The idea is to allow spontaneity, try something new, and allow full, unbridled expression of your aliveness, joy, curiosity, and lack of self-consciousness—abandon yourself to the spirit of play. Learn how to have more nourishing interactions and create a life that is your playground.
Give yourself permission to follow your urges, meet your yearnings directly, and experience true joy and playfulness rather than the false high of soft addictions, zoning out, or indulging in fantasies. Play in as many ways in as many situations and with as many people as you can this week to deepen your understanding of yourself and to keep moving toward your vision. How does the principle of play and engagement inform your beliefs? Use the Very-Able assignments to inspire you. Discover what’s possible when you engage and play!
In play, a child is always above his average age, above his daily behavior; in play, it is as though he were a head taller than himself.
Lev Vygotsky
Very-Able Assignments
Create Playgrounds
Make playgrounds for yourself. Fill your home office with creative toys and supplies. Have a sketch pad and charcoal pencils at the ready, model airplanes to build, joke books to make you laugh, puzzles and coloring books to play with, a guitar to strum, friends’ phone numbers to call, costumes and cool hats to inspire you, juggling balls…Invite yourself to be playful and creative by having creative props and toys to play with. Begin to see opportunities to play everywhere.
Life as a Playground
Look at your life as a playground—see your life as an amazing playground, full of opportunities for playful interactions. Your world is there for you to explore, to indulge your curiosity, to experiment, to try new things, to lose yourself in the joy of play. Start to see that there isn’t a dichotomy between work and play—instead, begin to see work as play. It is the quality of your being, engaging, and interacting that makes it play—how you are doing what you are doing, not what you are doing.
Be Silly—Be a Kid Again
Be silly. Skip down the hallway, hop on the swings, chortle at potty jokes, be free, jump up and twirl, giggle and laugh. Invite friends to a virtual play date—play with Play-doh and do a show and tell; play Zoom games; or spread out big sheets of paper all over the kitchen floor and do finger paintings. Play with groups of kids (or big kids) outside—go for a bike ride, explore your neighborhood, play hide and seek, or jump in piles of leaves…
Notice what you decide is play and what is not. Notice what you engage in and where you check out.
Making the Mundane…Playful
Apply the principle of Play to your everyday activities. Play in the shower, play with your makeup, play while making breakfast (maybe you put green food coloring in your eggs and have green eggs and ham). Play while you drive to work, ride the bus, or walk down the sidewalk. Play with your projects—make a game of setting goals and reaching them! Play while cleaning the house. Be present, engaged, design new ways of doing things—doing it better, faster, creatively. See how playing helps you get more done and is much more satisfying!
Be Aware of Your Mistaken Beliefs About Play
Be aware of your mistaken beliefs about engaging and playing. These beliefs limit your Rematrixing. Be aware of thoughts or feelings that try to block you like: Playing is just for kids…I’ll look foolish if I’m playful…Nobody will take me seriously and I’ll lose face at work…Play is frivolous…I don’t have time to play…Play and work are opposites, so I can’t possibly play at work…
How do these beliefs block you from playing or engaging? What beliefs would you like to have about fully playing and engaging in life?
Date with a Toddler
Make a date with a toddler and play! Play peek-a-boo, tickle, mimic one another…You may discover that nonverbal pursuits can bring out more of your playful side. You can’t over-intellectualize with a toddler!
Engage! Recognize the Difference Between Being Energized vs. Drained
Part of the joy of playing is that you are engaged fully. You give yourself over to something and lose yourself in the pursuit. You are present, in the here and now. When you play, you’re not multitasking, but really involved with whatever you are doing and whomever you are with. You experience that full focus of a child at play.
Be on the alert for your ways of being that add energy and the ways that you drain your energy. Keep track of which activities and ways of being are enlivening and which are draining.
There is nothing like a playful, engaging manner to revitalize you. When you are engaged in the here and now, you are revitalized! When you are not all there and checked out, you are drained.
What’s Play, What’s Not? Nourishing Interactions
Notice what you decide is play and what is not. What do you decide is “work” and not play? What’s the difference? Notice what you engage in and where you check out. Notice what interactions are nourishing—whether with yourself, things, projects, others—and what makes them nourishing.
Play Dates
Invite others to play with you on the journey by inviting them to share your vision. Discuss how you can bring this spirit to everything you do—at work, at home, with friends, etc. and motivate others to join this experience.
Share and Serve
Share your thoughts, feelings, and talents with others. Be generous with your gifts. Look for where you can be a contribution. Lend a sympathetic ear, help someone solve a problem, volunteer your services. Reach out and share—share your feelings, cookies from your cookie jar, extra produce from your garden, positive thoughts, compliments, sweet nothings to your honey...
Celebrate Yourself!
Affirm yourself! Acknowledge yourself in all possible ways. Give yourself credit for your efforts. Compliment and celebrate yourself! Acknowledge your feelings, honor your gifts and talents, give yourself credit for going for it! Honor your growth, your courage, and the risks you’ve taken. Honor your mistakes and missteps—at least you were stepping out. Where have you served, shone, stood out? What is cool about you?
Write what’s cool about you in your journal or notepad. Make a ‘shopping list’ of affirmations you’re giving yourself and getting from others. Keep adding to the list and read it often. Go for it! Read this list out loud to yourself, or even put your tribute to yourself in lyrics to a song...
Expand Your Vision of Positive Attention
Positive attention doesn’t just mean compliments. It could be a high five of acknowledgment, a nod of appreciation, or laughing with you at a shared joke. It could be your friend asking you for advice or trusting you enough to share a confidence. It could be your boss giving you an extra assignment because she trusts you or appreciates your competence. Positive attention could be someone who sees you as capable and is willing to fight with you, give you tough feedback, or share powerful truths. Be aware of the many different ways people give you positive attention—and take it in.
Be Aware of Your Mistaken Beliefs About Getting Attention
Be aware of your mistaken beliefs about garnering positive attention and affirmation. These beliefs limit your recreation process. Be aware of thoughts or feelings that try to block you, such as: I’m not anything special so I don’t deserve positive attention...It’s bad to brag...You can’t ask people to tell you nice things!... It’s grandstanding...It gives you a big head...I hate people who are always looking for positive attention—they are so needy...Only people with ego issues want positive attention...Keep your gifts under the radar so then people won’t expect much from you...
How do these beliefs block you from getting affirmed—or really taking affirmation in? What beliefs would you like to have about getting positive attention?
Be on Your Own Side
As you take greater risks and go for more in your life, you may not always receive positive affirmation; in fact, you may garner negative responses. But even in the absence of positive attention, you can challenge your mistaken beliefs about affirmation, create positive self- affirmation, and be on your own side!
Being on your own side means affirming yourself in the face of disaffirmation and having self-compassion. Self-compassion does not mean pampering yourself, indulging in soft addictions or defensively giving yourself a pass. It means that, despite your shortcomings and mistakes, you do not judge yourself with harshness, but continue to view yourself with positive regard, kindness, and understanding. In fact, recent studies cited in the Harvard Business Review show that it is self- compassion, rather than self-esteem, that leads us to fulfill our potential and to have a sense of well-being in our lives. This week, affirm yourself and Be on Your Own Side!
Get Affirmed by Sharing Your Community
Invite people to join your community by sharing the progress you make with your affirmations and encouraging them to practice the same within their own personal journeys. Let them into your vision of garnering positive attention and inspire them to explore this process in their own lives.
Play
Mistaken Beliefs About Playing and Engaging
Add your discoveries to your Purposeful Leadership Process!
