POWER OF SILENCE

Power is active and passive, masculine and feminine, projecting and attractive. Power is expressed through what you do, what you say, how you are, as well as your way of being. Last time, you started discovering the power of compliments—a feminine (yin) aspect of power. And although giving compliments is a more feminine aspect of power, there are aspects of masculine (yang) power that help you deliver more powerful compliments—using discernment and judgment to be specific in what you are complimenting. Feminine acceptance and appreciation combined with masculine discernment create the most powerful compliments.

You discovered the power of an encouraging word, a kind gesture, an affirmation, an acknowledgment—all of which motivate others to do more of what they were doing. You were discovering the power of more accurately seeing people in the here and now, with positive regard, and—hopefully—consistently. You were meeting the yearnings that we all have: to be seen, to be heard, to connect, to be affirmed, and to matter. How did it feel to affirm someone else? Did you experience the difference when you complimented someone more genuinely as opposed to superficially or disingenuously?

This time, you discover the power of silence—another feminine aspect of power—the power of “being”—being yourself without outward action or “doing.” To manifest your personal power fully, you must have the full range of power available to you—both feminine and masculine.

Just as a magnet attracts filings with no effort, you also attract and repel with no effort. This is a basic power inherent in all of us. Just think of newborns and how people coo, make faces to them, and work to get attention from them. The baby, just through his or her being, attracts attention from others. Within you is also a “newborn” waiting to be reborn—in silence, in the company of others.

We all seek approval from each other. Some of us resist this concept and outwardly reject others, but deep down, we all crave being seen by others in a positive light. This week, you are that light, the light that will shine on others.

Not only does your positive, silent presence make a huge difference in how others feel with you and how they respond, but recent research shows that it also impacts the quality of information you receive from others. When your silence conveys a positive attitude—through smiling, nodding, and an open body position—people use more interpretive abstract language, go deeper into the conversation, and they share their opinions more openly. If your silent presence is frowning and more closed, speakers tend to be more careful and analytic, only sharing concrete, descriptive facts.

Use and Misuse of the Power of Silence

As with all types of power, there are appropriate and inappropriate uses of silence. All uses of silence are powerful, but all uses of silence are not necessarily responsible. Does the silence create a sense of connection, comfort, affirmation, or lead to a greater sense of self; or is it intimidating, punishing, threatening, or withholding? This week, you discover the personal power of silence. You look both at the ways you have used the power of silence responsibly and how you have misused it or used it irresponsibly.

In your family, there were probably many things that you were encouraged to withhold and not express. Sometimes the silent treatment was used to let you know that someone was hurt and angry with you or that what you did was not acceptable. However, those that used the silent treatment were not using silence responsibly, because they didn’t express their feelings and judgments to you directly. Instead, they withdrew from you. When people withdraw their attention, approval, or affection, that withdrawal is powerful, yet often a misuse of power. The indirect expression leaves you alone, trying to figure out what happened. Withdrawal is a way of controlling a situation—controlling someone’s behavior and avoiding intimacy—without being responsible for asking directly for what you need or want.