Power of Truth
Truth is power—and the lack of truth (through lies, withholding, etc.) is ultimately disempowering to you and to others. Truth is defined in the dictionary as something that corresponds to fact or reality and, also as honesty, sincerity, or integrity. Some spiritual traditions refer to truth as absolute, universal truth—i.e., Christian Scientists use the word, Truth, to refer to God; Hindus refer to discovering ultimate truth.
For the purposes of this lesson, when we speak of truth, we are not speaking of the absolute cosmic, transcendental, spiritual truths. We are referring to expressing the truth of your experience to your highest vision. This entails taking full responsibility, being genuine, and expressing yourself fully. The expression of truth has to do with levels of development and maturation and, also discovering that truth is not always a matter of expression. This week, discover the power of truth!
Truth in Life Stages
Early in our lives when we are first learning to speak and haven’t been fully socialized, the truth includes a running commentary of our observations and judgments. When we notice that Aunt Tilly’s supposedly beloved cookies actually taste terrible and nobody really likes them, we blurt out, “Blech! These taste terrible.” We talk about how scary Uncle Ben is, tell others that we are angry at them, and tell our parents that we hate them. We comment on everything we like and don’t like. Ideally, through this stage, we learn to express truth in socially acceptable ways, rather than to suppress the truth. If our will is not too squashed, we learn to continue expressing the truth, but in ways that work in our social milieu. We learn to distinguish between truths we choose to express and those we choose not to express. There are times when we are still in touch with the truth, but rather than denying it or numbing our awareness of it, we choose not to express it in that situation or at that time.
When we begin to separate from, and rebel against, our family as adolescents, we once again begin critiquing the world around us. As we develop and become our own person, we find ourselves acutely aware of the shortcomings of the rest of the world. We often declare ideals and ways-of-being to adhere to, many of which are reactions against our parents’ values, but that are not yet ours. However, reactionary as these criticisms are, they are central to our developing increasingly mature truths. When we are two years old, our truths may be: I love you or I hate you or No! But in adolescence, our truth may be: That’s stupid...You are … (this or that way) … I’ll never do this to my children... I’ll never have children. Jack Mezirow, the founder of Transformative Learning theory, states that adolescents are often more able to be critically reflective of the assumptions of others than they are of their own assumptions.
As we continue to mature and take increasing responsibility for our lives, we learn to become more articulate in expressing truth, learning to give feedback to others and receive feedback from others. Ideally, we learn to do this from a responsible position, recognizing that we choose how we operate in the world and how we respond to our world. For example, even though other people may have wronged us, we realize that we have the choice of how we respond. We can blame, dump on, punish, seethe with resentment, etc., or we can responsibly and fully express the truth of what the other person did, expressing our feelings about it, reactions to it, and the implications of it. Even if we have been in an accident and injured, we can choose how we deal with that injury.
Truth is love, and we can never be as fully loving as we would like to be without learning to express the truth of our experience to our highest vision.
Truth becomes increasingly complex as our lives becomes more complex. In ideal development, we mature and become increasingly effective at using our expression of truth for and with a higher purpose. In old age, truth oftentimes has nothing to do with what we express but how we feel compassion, express caring, and provide support for those around us. We tend to feel less of a need to correct the errors around us and become increasingly focused on the larger developmental process in which those around us are engaged.
Most of us, however, have had significant interruptions in our development. If we didn’t receive the nourishment we needed or desired, we may hold back the truth of what we think and feel, hoping that if we are ‘nice’ or withhold our truth, someday someone will love us. Perhaps our will was crushed in the terrible twos, and so we live a chronically resistant lifestyle—or a chronically over-compliant lifestyle—rather than expressing our true selves fully. Regardless, we sometimes fail to follow our deeper truths. These are the types of developmental issues you will continue to examine and address.
Types and Levels of Truth
There are many different levels and types of truth. Conceptual truth is being honest about what you are thinking—the ideas or thoughts going through your mind. However, while it may be true that you are thinking particular thoughts, those thoughts aren’t necessarily true. They could be stinking thinking, inaccurate judgments, or irresponsible blaming. Emotional truth discloses and communicates your true feelings. Factual truth expresses what did or didn’t happen, actual data, and/or accurate information.
Matching your emotional truth with your factual truth results in more powerful and congruent communication. To say, I am angry, with a flat delivery and expressionless face – while perhaps factually accurate – is missing the power of the emotional truth. Expressing your factual truth with emotional honesty leads to more effective, powerful communication. Refer to the Blue Funnel of Truth to discern different types of truth for you to share this week—and go for responsible, heartfelt communication.
Our Highest Level Truth in the Moment
The truth we are focusing on is the highest level truth available to us in the moment. In order for you to continue developing emotionally, socially, and spiritually, we want you to take this period of time to express many of your truths, some of which will have been unsayable—and even unthinkable—until this point in your life. You are going to learn to sense, follow, and express the waves of truth more fully. By learning to express more and more truth with greater and greater responsibility, you can fill in some of the earlier deficits of your childhood and help yourself mature to develop and achieve your fullest potential.
However, this is not a simple, short-term venture. The exercises you are engaged in this week invite you to begin developing the skill and habit of increasingly recognizing and expressing the truth of your experience in the world around you, of increasingly becoming engaged in the world around you, of increasing responsibility, increasing maturity, increasing power, increasing consciousness, and ultimately, increasing love.
Tell the Truth
Main Assignment
Truth is fact, accuracy, and reality. We base our personal growth experiences on an agreement that we tell the truth as fully and directly as possible in the moment. As simple as it sounds, it can sometimes be very difficult because speaking the truth is seldom a hard-and-fast norm in our family systems. We often have secrets, cover-ups, minimizations, excuses, and white lies.
Very-Able Assignments
Truth Vitamins—One-A-Day Truth Exercises
Use the following assignments as you wish, to develop your truth-telling power tool. You can do one-a-day if it helps.
Catch Your Mistaken Beliefs/Stinking Thinking
Stinking thinking and mistaken beliefs are not true. Be aware of the thoughts you have that sound true to you, but are not the full truth. Thoughts like “I’m such a loser”… “I’m terrible, there must be something wrong with me”…”I’m somehow deficient or not enough”… What stinking thoughts arise for you as you contemplate telling more truths? What mistaken beliefs are challenged by this assignment? (I’m not enough, I’m too much and need to hold myself back…) How about rules and beliefs? (Don’t let people know what you really think…white lies are ok…) What mistaken thoughts do you use to try to shut yourself down? (I can’t let people know what I really think…It’s just a white lie; it doesn’t matter…)
Most people have been conditioned to not tell the truth fully and, in fact, have been taught that it is bad to tell the truth. Yet, truth is power, truth is love, truth helps us to deal effectively in the world.
Note your mistaken beliefs, faulty conditioning, and stinking thinking related to this assignment. Remember, stinking thinking disempowers you. Watch for mistaken beliefs and stinking thinking that limit you in expressing truth. Stinking thinking stinks because it isn’t true.
Notice Where You Withhold Truth
Notice the things you hold back from saying throughout a day. Notice from whom you withhold truths. Notice what the circumstances are and what you are feeling. Are you at work? At home? In meetings? What are the injunctions you have against speaking the truth? What are you afraid of? What are you really holding back? What are you learning about from this awareness of your unspoken truths?
Tell the Truth to Whom?
Notice with whom you are more truthful and with whom you are less truthful throughout the day. To whom do you lie, minimize, cover-up, or shade the truth? Analyze at least three of these people—think of who they are to you, of whom they may remind you, and what judgments you have about them as it relates to increasing your truthfulness with them. Draw some conclusions and capture in the worksheets what you are learning about yourself and truth in relationship. What could you do to become more truthful with them—and with yourself?
Daily Truth Quota—4 Truths a Day (A Truth Every 3 Hours)
At least once every three hours, express a truth you would normally withhold. Set an alarm on your phone for every three hours to take account if you have told a truth in the last period of time—and say one if you haven’t (or even if you have!). Keep track of the truths you share—make sure that you share at least four truths a day.
Truth Telling Day
Throughout the day, express as many truths as you are willing to risk saying without jeopardizing your job or without creating a legal situation or any other consequence you are not ready to have happen!
Truth Monitor
Be aware of others and monitor how truthful you think they are being in any given situation. Notice if you think they are holding back their truth. If they withhold truth with you, check it out with them—tell them the truth you think they are withholding and see whether your observation was valid or not. If you sense they are lying, minimizing, or shading the truth, see if you can find out what is really going on. Be aware of how your relationships change as more truth unfolds.
Levels and Depths of Truth
Experiment with different levels of truth this week, aiming for responsible, heartfelt communication. Share your deeper yearning. Share your true feelings. Share your deepest truths.
Be aware of the differences between the following expressions: stinking thinking, blame, shame and justification versus factual truth, emotional truth, and responsible, heartfelt truth. Rate the depth or level of the truths you share and the level of risk you take this week from 1 to 5 on your worksheet.
Read The Truth Chapter in The One Decision
Read, or reread, “The Truth” chapter to remind you of the power of truth and provide extra support, context, and awareness. (Other books you might find helpful are: Getting Real and Saying What’s Real by Susan Campbell and Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott.)
Watch a Movie About Telling the Truth
Watch a movie about telling the truth (or the consequences of lying, or not telling the truth). Notice how often lying, withholding the truth, and deception are part of movies and popular culture.
Liar, Liar
Pinocchio
As Good As It Gets (relationship scenes)
The Notebook (relationship scenes)
Bend It Like Beckham (hiding and then telling more truth in families)
Erin Brockovich (telling the truth about issues like groundwater contamination)
Tell the Truth About Your Visions for Yourself and Others—and Invite Others to Do Likewise!
Tell the truth to others about what you are up to in your growth journey and invite them to share the truth of their vision as well. Keep your momentum going with your truth and growing power!
As we begin to uncover the truth, it may be painful and upsetting; we may be fearful, angry, or joyful, but truth almost always leads to greater aliveness and clarity in relationships—and to more personal power.
As you go about your assignments this week, you learn about the power of truth. Hopefully you will find that “the truth shall set you free.” Be aware this week, noticing how you feel as you begin to speak more truths. Notice other peoples’ reactions to you as you say things they do not want to hear. Be aware of how you respond to your truth telling. As you say things that are unacceptable to say in our society, you are in many ways leaving your “Matrix,” and the familial and/or societal matrix of consensual reality, for the actual reality in which true power resides.
This week, you focus on different aspects of truth—where you tell the truth and where you don’t, what you notice about others, and how truthful they are. Be aware of the differences you notice and how you are feeling in each circumstance. Keep track of how you feel both during interactions and after them.
The Very-Able truth exercises are designed for you to do one a day if you choose—leading you in exploring a different aspect of truth every day. As you practice telling the truth this week, use the worksheets as guide to keep notes and/or journal about what you’re noticing about truth throughout the week. What is your stinking thinking? Your mistaken beliefs? Where do you withhold the truth? To whom do you tell the truth and to whom do you avoid telling the truth? Are there times you share factual truth but hide the emotional truth? For example, do you admit that something bothers you but deny how upset you really are about it? This worksheet is your personal tracking form to stay aware of what you are learning about your relationship with the truth. This week, rate the risk level of the truths you share from 1 (low) to 5 (high). Rate your risks and journal what you’re noticing and document your growth and discovery.
Tell the Truth—as often as possible, in as many ways and situations and with as many people as possible. Big truths or little truths—catch the waves of truth as you can and encourage yourself to increasingly reveal your thoughts, feelings, opinions—responsibly. Take risks! If you find yourself not telling the truth, look deeper to discover what is going on with you. To the extent that it is possible (and to the extent that you are ready and willing), go back and tell the person what the real truth was. Resolve to tell more of your truth in the future—and do it. Tell the truth!
